Set Your GPS To Call In Love

Set Your GPS To Call In Love

When you think of your dream romantic destination, where would you go? The mystic ruins of Peru? Sampling vibrant spices in the markets of Marrakech? Snuggled up against your beloved’s chest during a gondola ride in Venice?

Paris has always been at the top of my vacation dream list so I was thrilled when my boyfriend and I decided to take a spontaneous trip to Paris.

Not only was I in love with France, I was desperately in love with my boyfriend. He was everything I had dreamed of. (Tall? Check. Dark? Check. Handsome? Double check.) Not only was he sexy, he was sweet, thoughtful and incredibly talented. We had been together for several years and often spoke about getting married.

It was during this blissful time when the idea of a last-minute trip to Paris came up. I was beyond excited and starry-eyed! As I carefully planned every detail, I made sure to use all the navigational tools at my disposal to book the perfect flight, hotel and itinerary. I figured out how to navigate the Paris underground (le métro) and penciled in all the cafés and points of interest we would visit.

Not to be trop cliché, but when I say we did it all, we (ahem) did it all. Romantic walks hand-in-hand throughout the city and kissing at the top of the Eiffel Tower. We got our portraits painted at the Artist’s Square near Sacré Coeur and paid our respects to Oscar Wilde and Jim Morrison at Père Lachaise. I think my favorite part was when we took a day trip to Monet’s garden and the Palace of Versailles followed by a champagne dinner cruise along the Seine and a midnight candlelit bubble bath in a claw foot bathtub.

Does this sound like the perfect, romantic getaway?  It was and it wasn’t.

Because while I was navigating le métro like a pro, little did I know, my own inner GPS was way off. And figuring this part out, well it took a while.

Long story short, after we got home we began to meander. We got off track. We got back on track. Then off again… Soon I realized that although we had talked about marriage, the actual proposal was not forthcoming. Those sweet, thoughtful gifts and the sexy times we had in Paris (and elsewhere) never translated into marriage and family, something I deeply desired. So even though we loved each other, we did not want the same level of commitment.

After we called time on the relationship, I promised myself that come hell or high water I would figure out how I had gotten so off course. I didn’t know it at the time, but I needed to reset my inner GPS to navigate towards the love, intimacy, connection and commitment I desired.

How To Reset Your GPS For Love

You might be wondering, what the heck is an “Inner GPS?”  Your inner GPS is the intuitive guidance system that helps you navigate the many opportunities and obstacles of your life. You are probably very familiar with it and in many ways, it may serve you unfailingly. In other ways it may have been unreliable. Has it ever gotten you into hot water? If so, take a breath and know we’ve all been there done that. In fact, love and relationship is one area where many women struggle to understand the guidance that their Inner GPS is trying to give them.

One helpful distinction I’d like to make is between your intuition and what your “gut” tells you to do. Your intuition is your Inner  GPS.  Your “gut reaction” is your emotional response to something. We often confuse the two, but they are very different things. In my experience you can always trust your intuition. What you can’t always trust is your emotions.

Emotions rarely help you make wise decisions. Emotions are wonderful but they are ephemeral. And they do exactly what they are supposed to do: they change. When you confuse your intuition with your emotions you end up stranded on the side of the road. So don’t set your love GPS by your emotions. Instead, let me give you a map that will help you reset your Inner GPS to call in “The One.”

Have a clear vision of the relationship you desire.

Move beyond “I want a relationship” to becoming very clear about the kind of relationship you desire. Is it a marriage? Is it a long-term partnership with out the papers? Is it something fun, flirty and light? You need to be clear about the type of commitment you are seeking, even if you don’t yet know the form that fulfillment will take. Use all of your senses and write down what you desire to experience, receive and give in your ideal relationship. How does fulfillment serve you? How does it serve your beloved? There are a lot of tantalizing people out there who can easily distract you. Avoid meandering by getting clear on how you would feel inside of your ideal match. While you are dating and meeting new people, instead of focusing solely on whether he has the right job (or the right amount of hair left on his head) sense into how you felt when you were with him.

Get clear on who your beloved is in this relationship.

I’m not talking about “tall, dark and handsome,” although your beloved may be all of those things! I’m talking about the qualities this man possesses. Is he emotionally, physically, spiritually and geographically available? Does he care about you and your feelings and needs? And does he demonstrate that care in a way that you can receive? Do you share similar interests? Write all this information down. I call it your King List. As you go through the dating process check in with your King List and notice if Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome also possesses those kingly qualities.

Get clear on who you are inside of this relationship.

We attract who we are, not what we want. So who are you? What queenly qualities is your King looking for? I’m not talking about things like dress size and hair color (although yes, it is important to take care of yourself). I’m talking about how you are showing up and contributing to the relationship dynamic. Are you showing up as an insecure girl, who needs constant validation as if you were 13 again? Can you accept and know that you are valuable and loveable without having to do  anything?

I’m all for romantic trips and destinations be it to Paris, or to your local park. And I actually think that occasionally getting lost is a part of life.  I mean, maybe life wouldn’t be half the adventure it is if we didn’t make a wrong turn here or there. But being able to get exactly where and  what you want? Now THAT is the ultimate destination.

I’d love to hear from you!

Have you ever gotten off course with a relationship that was going nowhere? What did it take for you to finally turn the car around? Post in the comments below.

Ready to reset your Inner GPS to call in love?  Then click here to schedule a FREE, 30-minute one-on-one coaching call with Cami Elen. Get blog posts delivered to your inbox

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