I’m writing this blog several months after the murder of Breonna Taylor, and several weeks after the murder of George Floyd, both at the hands of police officers here in the United States. The disturbing video footage of Mr. Floyd’s death has become an inflection point in a global fight for social and racial justice.
Personally, I have been experiencing many raw emotions: devastation, rage, revulsion… And as a white woman who has never had to live with the devastating consequences of racism, it’s been a wakeup call.
Many of you have spoken to me about these events in our coaching and therapy sessions. It’s been heartening to see how many of us are having difficult conversations with family and friends, seeing what we can do to eradicate injustice and stand for equality in our communities, governments, and workplaces.
I’ve also been thinking about how best to support our love community. And what I’ve come to is this: as a psychotherapist and a love coach, I am fiercely committed to helping you fulfill your desire for a loving and committed partnership, and to create more love in all areas of your life. My training, expertise, and platform were all built for this purpose; and so that is what I will continue to do.
This month, in alignment with my commitment to you, I’d like to offer you two resources.
First, a hope injection, by sharing a real-life story of inspiring great love while sheltering-in-place due to COVID-19. Something that will remind you that love can flourish, even during a pandemic. (Read on below to learn about this blossoming love story!)
Secondly, I’d like to invite you to join me and fellow Love Coach, Laura Kennedy, for a special event. She has brought together over 30+ love and relationship experts to share how to manifest epic love no matter what the external circumstances. During times of challenge, coming together with the collective goal of listening to supportive, positive conversations can help create momentum around your deepest desires for love.
You can save your complimentary seat at no charge and join us here.
None of us know how events are going to unfold in the coming weeks and months. But I invite you to sit with the complexity of everything that is going on and claim this truth for yourself: Love can and does happen, and it can happen to you. So even as you figure out how best to serve your communities, continue anchoring into your commitment to love.
And to the black members of our community, I simply want to say I Iove you, I support you, and you more than matter to me.
A few weeks ago I was on a phone call with my girlfriend Shelly. With the pandemic in full swing, we hadn’t spoken in a while so I was looking forward to a nice glass of wine and a long, juicy chat. She had been actively dating for a few months, but with the requirements of social distancing in place, I wasn’t sure if anything was popping in her love life.
Turns out, things were definitely poppin’.
First a little backstory. Shelly is recently out of a long-term relationship. She was in love with her ex, and he with her, but eventually it became obvious that they wanted different things. After they called time on the relationship, she entered into a few months of processing and grieving.
When she felt ready, she decided to hop on some dating apps. She went on a few dates (mostly lackluster), and then COVID-19 hit. Soon #IRL dating became impossible due to social distancing measures in place, so her interactions with potential suitors were confined to the apps, zoom, or her inbox.
That’s when Doug slipped into her inbox with a sweet and complimentary message.After checking out his profile and liking what she saw, she responded. A series of flirtatious messages were exchanged. She learned that Doug was a successful scientist and he recently went through a breakup as well.
As she took her time telling me every little detail about Doug (LOL), I felt myself “smile” at the newness of it all. I was happy for her and it was a treat to experience her excitement, even vicariously.
Long story short, after a few FaceTime dates, they decided they wanted to meet in-person. So after they both tested negative for COVID 19, they had their first socially distanced “real date.” She told me it felt a little risky, and even silly to go on a date where you had to stay six feet apart, but from the sound of it, the distance did little to diminish their enthusiasm and attraction. 🙂 After being courted-in-quarantine, including more socially distanced activities, meaningful conversation, and yes romance, Shelly reported they decided to “officially” include each other in their expanded quarantine “bubble” and things are progressing very nicely. They have both opted out of the dating apps, are in an exclusive relationship and so happy to have found each other.
I relate this “meet cute” story to inspire you to take action and keep making yourself available for love. Heck, you never know, you just might meet your great love during this crazy time.
So here are four tips that will increase your odds of Inspiring a Great Love this year.
Tip No. 1 – Don’t settle for less than what you desire.
Sometimes when the desert is parched and we haven’t had a promising date (or sex) in a while, we can get discouraged. Maybe we’re being too picky? Maybe we should send a “miss you” text to our ex?
I say no. Settling for less than what you desire is a slippery slope that leads to wasted time. And while it may be a good idea to consider whether your standards are based on important things like values, lifestyle, and availability, putting up with bad boys, FWBs or flakey dudes is not the way to end a dry spell.
My friend Shelly and her new beau both ended prior relationships with people who were not a match for what they wanted in love. By choosing to complete those relationships, they made space for each other and the possibility of great love.
Tip No 2. – Practice commitment as an action, not a concept.
If intention is the seed form of the things we wish to create in life, then commitment is the soil, sunlight, and water, that will make it grow. Wanting love and partnership, and choosing to actively keep showing up for it, are two different things. In Shelly’s case, she chose to continue actively dating, even though the pandemic and the hurdles of social distancing.
So keep committing to yourself to show up for love. Know that you will have to wade through some doozies in your DMs, maybe even some real disappointments, but keep doing it anyway. Remember! A Great Love is waiting for you on the other side of this, and will it be worth it. 😉
Tip No. 3 – Reclaim your magic.
So often when we meet someone new that we really like, we attribute the excitement and good feelings flooding through our body to the other person and what they are doing to bring that out of us. And no doubt, when that sexy hottie you’ve been texting asks you out on your first socially distanced date, your heart will skip a beat. But while you’re making your plans, become curious about who you are being that is inviting possibility.
I recently did this with a woman on one of my group coaching calls.
She had recently begun seeing someone and was in that heady, oxytocin glow that we’re all familiar with. As she spoke about how amazing this guy was, I noticed that she was attributing a lot of the magic of their connection to him and how he was organizing around her.
I was curious about this, so I asked if she could name some ways she had been showing up that contributed to this connection. After thinking for a bit she said:
I was able to let go.
I was able to trust.
I was able to let go of my guilt around my sexuality.
I was able to open up sexually.
I was able to receive.
I was able to play and be silly.
I had healthy boundaries.
I made healthy choices.
I took care of my self.
I protected my energy.
“That’s it!!” I said. “It was you who did that. That is YOUR magic, claim it. He didn’t bring those things to the table, you did.”
(No wonder he thinks she’s catnip.)
Tip No. 4 – Learn the lesson.
Although it doesn’t have to be this way, sometimes the most important lessons we learn in life are hard-won. But no matter whether the lessons are hard-won or easily come by, learn them we must.
Just like graduation in school only comes after you’ve learned all your lessons, so too in love. When you are finally ready to graduate from a disappointing pattern (like being perpetually single or dating people who are half-in half-out), learning the lesson of how you unconsciously participated in that dynamic is the gateway to freedom.
And it is a learning that requires a soft approach, one where you elect not to blame or shame yourself for the mistakes you made. Graduating from painful patterns means stepping back, and becoming your own best detective. Getting clear about how disappointing patterns are happening through you, not merely to you. Take it from me, it’s hella easy to call out the bullshit they did! But once you become less interested in their bad behavior, and more interested in how you allowed this behavior, the dynamics will change and graduation is just around the corner.
I hope these four tips help you create more possibilities for love and connection. Even in the midst of chaos and change, keep your heart open. Keep saying yes. And keep making the commitment to yourself.
P.S. Don’t forget to join me and Laura Kennedy plus 30+ love and relationship experts at the FREE Manifest Epic Love Summit. Sign up HERE!
P.P.S. The next Coffee with Cami FREE Coaching Circle is Sunday, June 28 at 10 AM PST. Click HERE to secure your spot!