What to do if your love life has stalled out.

I recently had a first session with a client who was feeling down in the dumps.  She was doing all the “right” things to inspire a Great Love, but wasn’t getting results.  She was duty dating, attending online seminars, reading relationship blogs, but still… bumpkis. 

Since I knew she wasn’t laying up on the couch Friday and Saturday nights waiting for love to magically appear, I had a pretty good idea why she was stalling out.  But before I spill the beans on how she turned the situation around, check in with yourself.  How do you feel about the fruits of your labor as it relates to your love life?  Are you feeling inspired?  Hopeful? Fatigued?

man and woman having coffee date
Whenever I see a client whose love life has stalled, the first thing I want to know is what she thinks the situation means.  Does she really believe that love — and I mean a Great Love — is possible for her?

At first she assures me that yes, she believes in love.  But when we dig a little deeper we often uncover a hidden belief that life, or life circumstances, are not working in her favor.

One common way this belief reveals itself is in a feeling of sadness or feeling irritated / triggered by women who have inspired their Great Love.  We look at the way these women look, at their station in life, even their age, and see evidence that that is why we are still single. (The belief generally being that we are missing a quality or physical trait that would make us successful in love.)

Another way this “impossibility belief” reveals itself is when we feel defensive or attacked by an inquiry into how we might be getting in our own way.  (The belief being “others don’t support me, others don’t believe me”, or a version of “I’m not safe.”) 

A third way the belief can reveal itself is when we don’t organize around our desires and become energetically (or literally) invisible to the field of love and potential matches. (In this way, we unconsciously ensure that the impossibility belief stays “intact“.)  

A belief that life does not support us to have love rarely announces itself overtly.  

We have to become our own best detective. One way to sleuth this out is to look at the love field we are currently experiencing.  Is the field rich with possibly, or dry and parched?  And if we are inside of impossibility, how do we get out of it? 

Here are three tips that will get the gears of your love life moving back in the right direction.

Tip One: Be Willing to be Wrong. 

Sometimes it feels good to be right, but in this case, it’s better to be wrong! So be open to receiving evidence to the contrary of any belief that does not support you receiving a Great Love. The client I was speaking about at the beginning of this post shared with me a funny story to illustrate the point:

One day while out walking with a good friend she told this person: “I don’t know. I really think maybe I am not meant to have love in this lifetime.” 

At that moment a large heart shaped balloon fell from the sky and tapped her on her head.  Stunned, she turned to the ground and looked at it.  Her jaw dropped. She reached down and picked up ballon, taking it as a sign that she was wrong. Life did want her to have a Great Love! In just one instant she transformed her belief system and now enjoys the process of creating more possibilities in her love life. 

Tip Two: Borrow Beliefs from the Areas of your Life that are Working.

Think of an area of your life where you have little to no difficulty creating what you want.  Maybe you have built up a solid circle of friends.  Or maybe you are part of a community that does great things in the world. Maybe you’re an expert at what you do and are flourishing at work. 

What are the belief systems you hold about yourself, others and life that made it possible for you to thrive in these areas?

Let’s say you have your shit together at work. What are the chances that you are carrying around a secret belief that you are unsafe to flourish at work, other people’s success threatens yours, or  life doesn’t want you to succeed in your career?  Little to none. 

What is more likely is you have invested in yourself, applied yourself and adopted belief systems that allowed you to become the maven you are today. Maybe at the beginning of your career, this wasn’t so, but so what?  You accepted where you were at the time then got on with the business of growing yourself in order to become the woman you are today. 

If you are capable of mastery in one area of your life then you are capable of it in another.

If you take these same skills sets, actions and meaning frames, and apply them to your love life, you will achieve success in this area as well. 

Tip Three:  Give Those Cinderella Fantasies the Boot and Master The Attraction Formula.  

I won’t waste your time. In a nutshell here it is: Vision + Belief + Intention + Effortless Action = Desires Fulfilled.

This four-step process has been around for centuries and it is a full-proof way to Inspire a Great Love.  Uncover the hidden beliefs that are blocking love, then create an inspired vision that will help you unlock the feeling of already having received it in your body. 

The best way to create inspired vision is by getting connected to what having a Great Love will do for you and for others.  How would having a George Clooney, Prince Harry or Don Gummer — someone utterly devoted, supportive and 100%  all-the-way-in —  change your life?  How would inspiring a Great Love help you to actualize on your potentials outside of love, as a powerful force for good who also enjoys the juiciest love life possible?

How can you began showing up as a cherished and deeply loved woman right now? How would you organize your day?  Take care of your body, heart, mind and extend care to others ?

meghan markle, meryl streep, amal clooney
The Morale of the Story Is This…

Don’t wait for life to hit you in the head with a heart shaped balloon to finally get that you are meant to Inspire a Great Love.  And don’t wait for “The One” to inbox you before becoming the woman who inspires Great Love.

You were made, built, and designed for a love that matches you wildest dreams and deepest desires.  So allow the  journey to Happily Ever After to become as pleasurable as your honeymoon. And if you must have a heart shaped balloon, well I get it. 😉

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P.S.  If you’d like to learn how to create a daily practice around the Attraction Formula, email me and let me know.  If there’s enough interest  I’ll create a free Masterclass on it!