As you might remember, last year I broke up with a longtime love. It was one of my more difficult breakups because we had been together so long, and truly loved one another. But when it became clear that ultimately we wanted different things, our love affair came to an end.
Once I was ready to start dating again, I decided to create the Coffee with Cami FREE Monthly Love and Dating Coaching Circle. I wanted to create a structure for myself, and for this community of women, so we could be accountable to each other in our commitment to inspire a great love.
Boy, oh boy has it been working!
Right now, I have about 50 guys in my inbox, and to be honest, at times, I feel overwhelmed. Are you in a similar situation?
(If not, and if your inbox has tumbleweeds rolling around everywhere, never fear! The next Coffee with Cami coaching circle is THIS Sunday. Sign up here so we can get you caught up.)
As I pondered how best to manage my virtual dating life, I also pondered how I was able to generate so many possibilities for new love. I mean, life certainly hasn’t been business as usual… it isn’t as easy as putting on a pair of heels, some lipstick, and heading out to the local happy hour.
Have I been lucky? Maybe Covid-19 has been jumpstarting everyone’s in-boxes since IRL dating is off the table for most?
I haven’t taken an official survey so I can’t say for sure, but while scrolling through my Instagram feed the other day I came upon a post from Tony Robbins. I’ve been a long-time fan of Tony’s, dating back to the ’90s when his events were being held in small hotel conference rooms and it was fairly easy to meet or work with him personally.
Since then he has risen to the top of the “self-help” and self-determination ladder, but in all these years his message for creating success (in any area of life) has stayed consistent:
TAKE MASSIVE ACTION.
Three simple words. Take massive action.
That tenet has always stuck with me, and I realized that regardless of what is going on in the world, no matter what the app algorithms are doing on a particular day, or what profile pics I’ve uploaded, the key to increasing my visibility has been that I’ve been taking massive action.
Sure, once someone pops into my inbox, and I’m feeling them out, I sometimes switch to a more feminine, intuitive way of knowing as I decide whether to match back, initiate or respond to a conversation (or, ahem, unmatch quicccly); but, getting to the point where I had 50 guys in my cue, was a result of me taking massive action.
Knowing that I’m increasing my odds of finding the one is a great feeling, but still, it was a bit overwhelming getting through my cue…
So, what to do about that? Let’s say you’ve got a lot of action going on in your cue as well, but with all the fu*kbois, flakes, ghosters, and inappropriate guys mixed in with real-potential suitors, how do you keep everyone straight while keeping up your enthusiasm and openness?
In a second I’ll tell you I’m doing, but it’s important to understand that every woman is different. You have to find a system that works for you, your schedule, and your desires…
Maybe you prefer to wing it or jot things down on post-it notes. You might be a spreadsheet gal, or perhaps you like to make audio notes in a voice recorder?
Me? I’m an old fashioned calendar and notebook kind of girl.
First, I like to block off time in my calendar to make sure I’m doing something daily in service to dating. This might be a low tech approach, but I like to block out time on my paper calendar to go on the apps, just like I do for other daytime appointments. This way I don’t put my love life last, or leave it till the end of the day when I’m tired and more likely to poop out before responding to some of these cuties.
Since I don’t have a ton of time, I may only be able to set aside 10 or 15 minutes on a particular day to check my feed, initiate a swipe, or respond to someone in my inbox, but I feel so much better knowing that a week won’t go by before I notice a promising match, only to find out that ship sailed away three weeks ago.
I have also clarified (for myself) some bottom-line things I need to see in order to agree to a match. For example, if he can’t string together three complete sentences or only replies with emojis? For me, that’s an automatic unmatch.
All these little things that I’ve been doing amounts to taking massive action, which has resulted in those 50 guys in my inbox (and the 20 virtual dates I’ve been on in the past couple months).
I’ve had a few disappointments as well, where I started chatting to someone I liked, and then he unmatched me, or his profile suddenly disappeared…)
Yet all-in-all this simple tenet that I learned from Tony all those years ago, has helped me create more possibilities for the love and connection I am seeking.
I hope this reminder inspires you to keep going so that you find your great love.
Let’s keep the party going THIS SUNDAY, during our next coaching circle. I’ll share some more deets about a couple of the more promising guys I’ve been talking to, but mostly I’d like to hear from you and how your love journey is going?
Is there something you need coaching on? A particular situation or guy that has you perplexed? Do you have practical questions about how to do social distance dating while navigating intimacy along with your self-care?
Whatever questions you may have, and wherever you happen to be SHOW UP THIS SUNDAY to the call. Don’t think, just DO IT. As always, we will end by taking out our phones and collectively swiping for 10-minutes!
This year has been an unprecedented opportunity to hit the reset button and dance with the creative energies of life. We may not have asked for it, but we damn sure will take advantage of it.
I look forward to being with you on Sunday.
P.S. If you’ve already signed up, I’ll send you the Zoom link beforehand. If you’ll be joining us for the first time, sign up here.
Join me for: COFFEE WITH CAMI
Sunday, July 19, 2020 | 10 AM PST
If you are interested in creating new possibilities in your love life, sign up for my free monthly coffee hang where we will inspire, encourage, and support each other on our individual love journeys.
Coffee with Cami is a FREE, once-a-month Zoom Coaching Circle where I will share about my current dating journey while providing group coaching as we all up-level our commitments to being visible and actively dating this year (yes, even in the midst of sheltering-in-place). This 60-minute call is intended to be a structure for women who want to create, not wait! We are not just going to be talking about love and relationships.
I will hold you accountable and support you as you move toward making your vision for love a reality. Let’s come together in gratitude and possibility, staying open to loveduring this unprecedented time. Dating apps during COVID-19? Virtual coffee dates with potential matches? Why, yes! We will even take a few minutes during our time together to whip out our cell phones and… you guessed it, SWIPE for 10 minutes!! (If you are not on any dating apps, no worries. I’ll send you a list of the ones I recommend after you’ve signed up.) And you do not need to be on a dating app to join the call. Come be in the energy of women around the globe honoring their deepest desires for love.
If this is something that speaks to you, all you have to do is sign up and take a short questionnaire so I can learn a little more about you, and the dating topics that
interest you most.
Is private coaching more your style? Click here to schedule a FREE 30-minute HELLO SESSION to find out how we can work together.If you have already filled out the questionnaire you don’t need to do so again.